JRR: Hey guys, don’t you feel a bit lonely? So few people in such a grand hall?
Alice: I hope the turnout is not a rational reaction to the quality of food here. It is a scary thought.
CS: Especially after what we have experienced at Merton. But let’s not credit Oxford students with too much rationality. Remember that even at Merton the hall was packed.
Alice: Or could it be the price?
JRR: Ten and half quid for guests is not exactly cheap, but still less than at Oriel, which was full as well.
Alice: It is in any case our first formal with more people at the high table than in the general hall.
CS: Almost. Eighteen at the high table, twenty down here.
...
JRR: I have heard that the grace here is the longest of all Oxford colleges.
Alice: Sssh, they are starting.
(long time later) JRR: Impressive, 49.3 seconds. And it was all done as a dialogue. As if the grace was to remind us that university should be about a dialogue among its members.
...
Alice: This is the best pastry we have had so far, they even serve it warm! If the rest of the food is as nice as the bread-rolls, this is going to be a nice evening.
...
CS: The artichoke soup keeps up with the pastry. First, it is also served warm. And second, it is delicious. That said, a bit of decoration wouldn’t hurt.
...
Alice: A piece of lamb which looks great and tastes great. So do the rosemary mash and the vegetables. Clear five stars.
...
JRR: And the dessert! They are trying to kill me. Why did I not apply to Univ?
Alice: Because their 17th century hall was not old enough for you.
JRR: Yeah. I can’t stand this modern architecture. But it doesn’t matter for our review, because most people will anyway presume that the hall is medieval. Who is the guy on the enormous portrait above the high table?
Alice: I’m not sure about his name, but I have heard he was a bit of an egomaniac. And I think he was a lawyer, too.
CS: I’m trying to decide whether one doesn’t imply the other. Or vice versa.
...
CS: So overall, do we like Univ?
JRR: The table setting is stylish, all fifteen people sitting with us in the hall seem properly dressed and friendly, and the staff do not bomb the food at us like at Lincoln but they serve it politely. Just the atmosphere somehow does not feel alright. It certainly is formal and posh, more so thanks to the small number of students attending. But an Oxford college is not an exclusive hotel. The magic of Oxford formals lies not in their pure elegance, but in the strange mixture of formality, traditionalism and magnificent settings with warm, lively and at times roguish student community. The latter set of features is missing here.
CS: Enough of this intellectual crap. The food was splendid, and there’s a huge painting of a lawyer buddy of mine on the wall. What more can one hope for?
Alice: Well, let’s see how Balliol rises to the challenge!
| University: summary |
| Date | 8/11/2011 | Days with formal hall | Tue, Thu, Sun |
| Starter | Roasted Jerusalem Artichoke Soup, Sorrell and Chives | When does it start? | 7:15 |
| Main Dish | Rump of Lamb, Rosemary Mash, Carrots and Butternut Squash | Is there a high table? | yes |
| Dessert | Mango and Passion-Fruit Delice | Should I bring a gown? | no |
| Grace duration | 49.3 | Should I wear a tie/a dress? | yes |
| Total dinner duration | 65 minutes |
| Atmosphere | *** | ||
| Hall architecture & interior | **** | Grace & traditions | ***** |
| Dress code | *** | Bonus for loneliness | -3 |
| Table settings | **** | ||
| Food | ***** | ||
| Pastry | ***** | Dessert - appearance | ***** |
| Starter - appearance | **** | Dessert - taste | ***** |
| Starter - taste | **** | ||
| Main dish - appearance | ***** | ||
| Main dish - taste | ***** | ||
| Services | **** | ||
| Maximum number of guests (10) | ***** | Pace | **** |
| Staff | **** | Wine glasses | **** |
| Value for money | *** | ||
| Price for college members (£6.75) | *** | Quantity of food | ***** |
| Price for visitors (£10.5) | * | Wine | * |
| Number of courses (3) | *** |
