Oriel College: Under the eyes of the queen

Having been through Merton’s excellent Tesco ravioli and Lincoln’s highly efficient service which turns formals into a speed-eating competition with the staff eager to clean your plate, your humble committee have slowly started to wonder whether Oxford formals have too been struck by the crisis.

But then came Oriel,and we could see that better times are ahead. Oriel can pride itself with the title of the oldest royal foundation in Oxford, and it certainly makes sure you notice that when you enter their pleasant hall in the typical Oxford neo-gothic style. As we were informed by our host, the fancily lighted portrait right above the entrance is the largest portrait of Her Majesty the Queen in the world. It most definitely was the largest one in the hall. The splendour of the hall was this time given justice by an equally splendid four star table set-up. So far so good.

Our starter was a delicious Haricot bean soup which, however, could do with a touch of garnish to match up its quality taste with equally attractive appearance. On the other hand, what the soup lacked, the the college-crest embellished crockery in which it came certainly did not.The main course was a Roast that not even your favourite gastropub would need to be ashamed of on Sunday. Even Alice, who is hard to please when it comes to Roasts, was happy with its taste and the Yorkshire pudding got a special price from her for not being soggy. JRR, as an experienced almost-vegetarian, was brave enough to venture for the non-meat option and was rewarded with an excellent Risotto. Yes, Merton, they do have cheese in other colleges when they serve Italian.

The desert was a rhubarb crumble which was a bit less impressive than the starter and the main course, though it was by no means bad. Solid three stars.

The atmosphere in the hall was pleasant and friendly, and our fellow diners at Oriel put in the effort to suit up so it was not a formal-in-name only. But as we found out, Orielites do put a bit of informal touch to it by having the tradition of walking across the table if they need to leave for the bathroom and happen to sit on the bench next to the wall. Unfortunately, we didn’t get a chance to see a table march during our stay – perhaps more wine should have been served.

Overall, the dinner was tasteful and pleasant, although very far from Merton’s discount prices.

Oriel had risen the bar high, and thus we had hopeful minds when entering the gates of Univ the following week. Did it stand up to our newly raised expectations? Bear with us…

Oriel: summary

Date	28/10/2011	Days with formal hall (italics = no guests)	Sun-Fri
Starter	Haricot Bean Soup	When does it start?	7:15
Main Dish	Roast Beef ,Yorkshire PuddingSprouts, Cauliflower, Roast Potatoes	Is there a high table?	usually
Dessert	Apple and Rhubarb Crumble	Should I bring a gown?	no
Grace duration	18.3 seconds	Should I wear a tie/a dress?	yes
Total dinner duration	52 minutes

Atmosphere	****
Hall architecture & interior	****	Grace & traditions	****
Dress code	****	Bonus	+1
Table settings	****
Food	****
Pastry	****	Dessert - appearance	***
Starter - appearance	***	Dessert - taste	***
Starter - taste	****	Vegetarian option	*****
Main dish - appearance	***	Bonus
Main dish - taste	****
Services	****
Maximum number of guests (3; 1 on Sunday)	***	Wine glasses	****
Staff	*****	Bonus
Pace	****
Value for money	***
Price for college members (£5)	****	Quantity of food	*****
Price for visitors (£12)	*	Wine	*
Number of courses (3)	***	Bonus

Merton College: Tesco Value Quality for Tesco Value Prices

It did not take more than two formal halls before your trio of reviewers had to deal with the first attempts at bribery. Word got out of our rating endeavours and unscrupulous college members tried to sweet-talk their way out of trouble. “I swear we never have pasta at our formals – can I invite you guys again next week and pay for your dinner so that you can see for yourselves?” (A reminder of one of our rules: we always pay the guest price ourselves, irrespective of how stubborn our hosts try to be.) Needless to say, all these efforts were in vain.

The supposed highlight of the evening, Tortellini with Tomato Cream Sauce, looked as if the chef had limited his contribution to pointing at the most discounted bag of readymade pasta in the nearest supermarket. Truth be told, Mertonians boast probably the most economical formal hall in Oxford, with dinner price set at a very friendly £3.70 for locals and guests alike. But if we are to believe that the college chips in at least a modest subsidy on top of that, we’d need to see a bigger show than this past Tuesday.

Spectacular delicacy would certainly be in order. Little has survived of the structure erected in 1277 after the interventions of the 18^th and 19^th century architects, but even so the Hall is a more than worthy example of a light and tastefully decorated Oxford dining room. Perhaps the only slightly displeasing sight is the wart-dotted face of Walter de Merton (1205-1277), who receives your committee’s Ugliest Founder of an Oxford College Prize without hesitation and any need to visit the remaining 36 houses. Even with old Walter scaring the diners, this four-star venue would certainly deserve at least four-star cooking.

Instead, we were served a slice of leftover toast from breakfast to set the mood for the rest of the evening. The enigmatically named Merton Salad as a starter was in line with the looks of the hall, but the lack of any dressing left JRR mumbling, as he forked the greenery around on his plate, that only rabbits would eat unseasoned grass. Perhaps the lack of dressing could have been offset by bits of crispy bacon that added the salad a bit of decent calories content, which however was not the case for the vegetarian starter. Here, the unseasoned grass truly sums the starter up. Albeit it needs to be said that at least it was your Tesco’s finest as the greens were fresh and crunchy.

After the infamous tortellini, ice-cream improved the feelings on our taste buds, if not the dented reputation of Merton’s kitchen. We appreciated that coffee- and vanilla-flavoured ice-cream was served alternately before the diners, creating potential for free trade, related socializing and perhaps a game of chess, but it could still have been bettered with some fruit or whipped cream. Not quite your ‘every little helps’ spirit.

What one of Oxford’s three single oldest colleges lacked in food quality, it made up elegantly in the ‘service’ category. We complimented Merton on being concerned about the health of its members and their guests by placing disinfectant soap by the entrance to the hall. The waiters’ behaviour was impeccable and although all one of them could do to our request for some cheese for the pasta was to pull a sad face, we were impressed by the fact that he returned after dinner to ask us how satisfied we were. With him, a lot. With the atmosphere as well. But if food is to be considered an important aspect of a dinner... well, we did not have the heart to tell him about the food.

We continued our trek at Oriel College in Week 3. If you have found our reviews a bit harsh so far, stay tuned for Oriel, where four- and five-star ratings were flying around to the point at which JRR started worrying whether we haven’t mellowed a bit...

Merton: summary Date 18/10/2011 Days with formal hall (italics = no guests) Sun-Fri Starter Merton Salad When does it start? 7:15 Main Dish Tortellini with Tomato Cream Sauce Is there a high table? yes Dessert Raspberry Sponge Should I bring a gown? no Grace duration 14.2 seconds Should I wear a tie/a dress? yes Total dinner duration 45 minutes Atmosphere **** Hall architecture & interior **** Grace & traditions *** Dress code **** Bonus - ugliest founder -1 Table settings **** Food ** Pastry * Dessert - appearance ** Starter - appearance *** Dessert - taste *** Starter - taste ** Vegetarian option ** Main dish - appearance * Bonus - Main dish - taste ** Services **** Maximum number of guests (3) *** Wine glasses **** Staff **** Bonus - friendly staff +3 Pace *** Value for money **** Price for college members (£3.70) ***** Quantity of food **** Price for visitors (£3.70) ***** Wine * Number of courses (3) *** Bonus -