The supposed highlight of the evening, Tortellini with Tomato Cream Sauce, looked as if the chef had limited his contribution to pointing at the most discounted bag of readymade pasta in the nearest supermarket. Truth be told, Mertonians boast probably the most economical formal hall in Oxford, with dinner price set at a very friendly £3.70 for locals and guests alike. But if we are to believe that the college chips in at least a modest subsidy on top of that, we’d need to see a bigger show than this past Tuesday.
Spectacular delicacy would certainly be in order. Little has survived of the structure erected in 1277 after the interventions of the 18th and 19th century architects, but even so the Hall is a more than worthy example of a light and tastefully decorated Oxford dining room. Perhaps the only slightly displeasing sight is the wart-dotted face of Walter de Merton (1205-1277), who receives your committee’s Ugliest Founder of an Oxford College Prize without hesitation and any need to visit the remaining 36 houses. Even with old Walter scaring the diners, this four-star venue would certainly deserve at least four-star cooking.
Instead, we were served a slice of leftover toast from breakfast to set the mood for the rest of the evening. The enigmatically named Merton Salad as a starter was in line with the looks of the hall, but the lack of any dressing left JRR mumbling, as he forked the greenery around on his plate, that only rabbits would eat unseasoned grass. Perhaps the lack of dressing could have been offset by bits of crispy bacon that added the salad a bit of decent calories content, which however was not the case for the vegetarian starter. Here, the unseasoned grass truly sums the starter up. Albeit it needs to be said that at least it was your Tesco’s finest as the greens were fresh and crunchy.
After the infamous tortellini, ice-cream improved the feelings on our taste buds, if not the dented reputation of Merton’s kitchen. We appreciated that coffee- and vanilla-flavoured ice-cream was served alternately before the diners, creating potential for free trade, related socializing and perhaps a game of chess, but it could still have been bettered with some fruit or whipped cream. Not quite your ‘every little helps’ spirit.
What one of Oxford’s three single oldest colleges lacked in food quality, it made up elegantly in the ‘service’ category. We complimented Merton on being concerned about the health of its members and their guests by placing disinfectant soap by the entrance to the hall. The waiters’ behaviour was impeccable and although all one of them could do to our request for some cheese for the pasta was to pull a sad face, we were impressed by the fact that he returned after dinner to ask us how satisfied we were. With him, a lot. With the atmosphere as well. But if food is to be considered an important aspect of a dinner... well, we did not have the heart to tell him about the food.
We continued our trek at Oriel College in Week 3. If you have found our reviews a bit harsh so far, stay tuned for Oriel, where four- and five-star ratings were flying around to the point at which JRR started worrying whether we haven’t mellowed a bit...
Merton: summary
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